


Tears of Love and Loss

by NotNecessarilyInThatOrder



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Because My Heart Needs Him To, Elements of a Fix-It, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Gen, Hope, Kanan Jarrus Lives, Post-Season/Series 04 AU, coping with loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-30
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 05:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28420011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotNecessarilyInThatOrder/pseuds/NotNecessarilyInThatOrder
Summary: "You’ll always be part of me. But I have to let you go."What if things had been different and Ezra had had time to ponder the choice he made and the impact of losing his parents yet again? Kanan helps him ride out his emotions and receives his own encouragement in return.A post series fix-it because apparently that’s all I know how to write.
Relationships: Ezra Bridger & Kanan Jarrus
Comments: 11
Kudos: 45





	Tears of Love and Loss

**Author's Note:**

> My first ever post in this fandom. Just a short piece but I love the relationship between these two (one of the best, if not the best teacher/student, father/son duos Star Wars has) and this story would not leave me alone until I wrote it. Please let me know if it's in character enough and if you think I should do more in this universe. :)

* * *

“They looked the same as they did in the holo image I have, the same as every dream I’ve had of them since I was seven. And all I had to do was reach out, all I had to do was take one step and it all would have been real. Or at least that’s what he said.”

Kanan’s grip tightened on his shoulder. “I can’t imagine how tempting that must have been. Did you believe him?” The question was gentle, asked out of curiosity rather than judgement.

“Not right away, it seemed too good to be true. But then I never imagined you’d regain your sight, or that Ahsoka would survive her fight with Vader. Or that I’d not only meet a Loth wolf, but get to watch a pack of them toss Stormtroopers around like sticks. If that could happen, why couldn’t I have my parents back too? Why shouldn’t I believe in one more miracle?” Ezra dropped his face into his hands. “I wanted to do it so badly.” 

“What stopped you?” His master’s voice was soft and rich, comforting without being patronizing. 

“You did, my heart did, in a way even they did. If I’d stepped back into their lives the way I am now who knows what would have happened. Everything we’ve done, everything they died believing in, it would have been for nothing. I..I couldn’t do that to my family.”

Kanan shifted to where their knees touched, bringing his other hand up to rest on the back of his Padawan’s head. “This may not help, but I’m proud of you. And I know your parents would be too.” 

Tears began flowing in earnest then and the younger man took deep breaths trying to push them back. He didn’t deserve his master’s pride, not if he couldn’t control his emotional reaction to a situation that really had had only one acceptable outcome. 

“Don’t Ezra. Crying is not weakness.”

“But why won’t it stop. I cried when I found out they were dead, I cried when I let them go. I’m done with crying. I’m a Jedi, I’m supposed to-”

“You’re _grieving_. You’re not supposed to do anything. Everyone handles these things their own way. Trust me the way I behaved in the years after I lost my master...let’s just say crying is far more constructive.”

“But it’s been three years Kanan. I’ve accepted they’re gone why…”

“Your heart can accept the reality of something far easier than it can learn how to live with that reality. You’ll never stop mourning them, not entirely, but it will get easier. What the emperor offered you was cruel, manipulative, and never should have happened. No one can or will blame you if you’re a little unsteady for a while. And we’re here for you. I’m here for you.”

Ezra sniffed and wiped his eyes on his sleeve. Heart just a little lighter, he managed a small smirk. “I guess if nothing else it gives you some practice. I mean isn’t a crying child going to be all you and Hera are going to be having to deal with in a few months?”

Now it was Kanan’s turn to drop his head into his hands. He didn’t cry but his groan was vaguely mournful in it’s own way. “I still can’t believe it. I don’t know how to be a full time father. And to bring a newborn into the middle of all this death and destruction? What were we thinking?” 

Ezra’s force signature flared with amusement and tenderness. “Well, for what it’s worth I think you’ll be a great father. And didn’t you say the force is all about balance? What more perfect balance to death and destruction is a new life and the chance to start again? Lothal is safe, our family is safe. Your child will be too.”

For a long moment Kanan just looked at him, taking in the man his reckless boy - who’d quite literally charged into his life when he least expected it - was becoming. A slow proud smile worked its way to his face, a smile only Ezra had been able to coax from him. 

Many people had helped him rise from the quagmire he’d sunk into from too many years alone, none more so than the family he and Hera had built on the Ghost. The kindness and support from the woman herself, the woman he loved more than his own life no matter how much she’d pounded into his head that life was worth. With Sabine and Zeb he’d gained the knowledge that a sharp eye and a loaded blaster would be at his back even if it meant sacrificing their own. Even Chopper had at least given him something to roll his eyes at once in a while.

Ezra had brought so much more. Even having suffered a life of loss and loneliness he’d been their embodiment of hope. He’d faced his struggles in a way Kanan could only wish he’d been strong enough to do. Even now, sitting curled up on his master’s bunk, bone weary and half heartbroken, having only come back to them through the grace of yet another miracle, he had put aside his grief to provide comfort and wisdom to the man who should have been providing them to him. 

Mentally shrugging off his self pity Kanan reached out and gathered his apprentice, his light in a darkened world, his first small taste of fatherhood, into his arms. 

Ezra came willingly, as he always did, returning the embrace with all the strength four years of consistent meals and physical training had built onto his slim frame. How long they stayed that way neither could say. And just who had yawned first they would never agree on. 

“Think you can try and sleep now?” Kanan finally asked. 

A soft snort came from the head resting on his shoulder. “Do or do not, there is no try.” Within moments though, Ezra’s eyes drifted shut and his breathing grew soft and regular.

The proud smile returned and Kanan buried his face gently into his sleeping boy’s hair. “I’ll take that as a yes.”


End file.
